It’s POSSIBLE that a certain husband dislikes this dress. Rather strongly. And said husband is generally spot-on when it comes to what works and what doesn’t for my style and body. But he’s also extremely open-minded. Often times he’ll hate something on first glance, but then compliment me when he sees it worn in the context of a fully styled outfit. That’s what I expected to happen with this dress. I bought it in New York back in February, brought it home, showed it to him, and he didn’t like it. Trotted it out MONTHS later as part of this ensemble and felt smashing in it. I asked him if he’d changed his stance. Nope. Still dislikes it.
And that’s completely fine. And I’m perfectly happy to keep on wearing it.
I think every woman occasionally butts heads with her partner about sartorial choices. Sometimes – as is often the case with HM – it’s a question of styling. A hated item in the context of an awesome outfit may become less hated. But sometimes your partner just really, really dislikes a garment or accessory and no amount of creative styling will change that.
In those cases, I feel that you have three choices:
- You can wear the item when your partner isn’t around.
- You can abandon the item altogether and possibly resent having to do so.
- You can realize that partners don’t agree fully on everything, and don’t need to.
Dressing is as much about feeling good as it is about looking good, and if wearing a garment that your partner dislikes makes you feel good, you should wear it. You should! And if your partner continues to dislike it, yet wearing it continues to make you feel good, well THAT says something. Because all of us care how our partners perceive us, and the vast majority of us want to be considered beautiful and desirable. So when we’re willing to shirk all that for a specific garment, that means the garment has a value that goes well beyond outside opinions.
Another factor that plays in here is the idea that your partner may see something you don’t. The garment is unflattering, out of style, or fits you oddly and you’re just not seeing it. I look back at photos of myself in clothes that my mom HATED on me, and realize she was right about nearly all of them. It’s a risk to dress against a partner’s wishes. But, again, dressing isn’t just about looking good, it’s about feeling good. And if we wore nothing but perfectly-pressed, figure-flattering clothing all day every day we’d all be extremely grouchy and unpleasant beings.
If your partner hates your entire wardrobe, you may want to have a sit-down. If your partner hates an errant maxi dress or pair of wacky pants, find a way to make your peace with that. Partners disagree. And wacky pants are awesome.
Originally posted 2011-10-18 06:02:08.