Well, I Never

pixie cut from back

I will never be skinny
I will never have big boobs
I will never be tall
I will never have a six pack
I will never be able to go out in a high wind and look sexily windblown

I will never give up on fitness
I will never take for granted the fact that I have healthy boobs, small as they may be
I will never underestimate the power of platforms
I will never stop doing crunches and lower back exercises so that my core is strong
I will never forget that people would KILL for my curls

I will never understand
Why I can write this and know it and preach it and believe it
Yet only truly feel it on certain days, in certain lights, with certain caveats

But I will never stop trying
Until I feel it every single day of my life

Originally posted 2009-08-25 05:49:00.

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70 Responses to “Well, I Never”

  1. Mike in VA

    And, you will always be beautiful. Regardless of how you feel or what you think, you are perfection to some of your readers.

  2. Imogen Lamport

    Sal – big boobs are not what they're cracked up to be – I'm seriously considering having my reduced!

    Great post, lots to think about there.

  3. Jaka Merriman

    Thank you for this. After 10 weeks at the gym and drastically increasing my strength and tone, I found out I've *gained* 10lbs instead of losing it. I was beside myself last night and this morning thought about what I hypocrite that makes me. This is just what I needed to hear this morning – that someone else (whom I admire) is struggling with thoughts just like mine. <3

  4. Clare

    Sally, a lot of your "I Nevers" are my "I Nevers"..and I feel ya. I have this sneaking suspicion that nobody appreciates their "I Nevers" everyday. But believe me when I say that you are one of the women in my life that make me try everyday, too.

  5. eednic

    just so you know you really don't want big boobs! not that mine are ginormous but in person, they are quite noticeable given my miniscule height. i spend a great deal of outfit planning trying to reduce the appearance of my breasts! plus, they hurt my back! everyday! so my new mantra is going to be: one day my boobs will miraculously shrink to a size more fitting the rest of my body and not get bigger like mom's. haha! your curls are fabulous!!! i DO covet them! badly!

  6. Stephanie L.

    I will never stop being impressed, humbled, inspired and uplifted by you and your wonderful sense of self and compassion for all of us.

  7. Sal

    You guys are SUCH a blessing. I always get a wee bit nervous posting this kind of free-formy, super emotional stuff … and you never even balk. THANK YOU.

  8. Erin

    Lovely. I wonder what it will take for us to feel that way every day?

  9. Anonymous

    Great Post! I'd love to articulate my feelings but am too depressed to even think – it hurts, so popping sleeping pill & off to bed πŸ™‚

  10. frΓΆken lila

    i declare this to be THE post of the week. i'll bookmark it and come back every single day and read it again. in fact, it's so inspiring, i'll go and do my own "i never" tonight. thank you!!!

  11. WendyB

    Oh, I still think I can become tall if I just try harder πŸ˜‰

  12. Michael McGraw Photography

    When you are sitting right behind me in the office blogging away, I never realize that you are thinking up such deep thoughts. You impress me.

    And Mike in VA—you're not hitting on my wife, are you?

  13. Laura.

    such good stuff, sal! i think it makes a huge difference to work to have those things in your mind. i am just now learning the power of mental energy and how much it takes, but how much it pays off. so i think it helps to be speaking the truth to ourselves all the time, even if we only believe it some of the time–that's better than not saying it or believing it at all, right?
    is that one of your new head shots? it's lovely.

  14. Sheila

    I love this! Thank you so much, Sal. I may have to copy this out and tape it on my closet mirror.

  15. isleen

    Sal, you are truly beautiful, inside and out! And good for you for recognizing that the power of exercise is the way it makes your body feel, rather than looks.

    For what it's worth, my BFF is my polar opposite — big boobs, curvy, dark curly hair, etc. We joked for years that we each wanted to look like the other person. As I get older, I'm more comfortable being me, but she's still my beauty ideal and I've always admired people who look like her. She even has adorable knees, the sort of knees that make you say, "This woman should always wear short skirts." SHE, on the other hand, doesn't believe me when I tell her this. SIgh….

  16. Meli22

    what a positive ending to a potentially negative 'I will never' ; ) love it! I love how you are so real- other people will preach and pretend they are perfect, and follow their advice or it is SIN. You just admit it- sometimes you accept and feel what you are saying, sometimes it's harder. and the real truth makes what you have to say so much more valuable!

  17. Stefka

    I am slowly learning that freedom comes from acknowledging my "secret shames" – exposing them to the light instead of allowing my inner perfectionist to continually use them as ammunition. With perspective and acceptance, the weight is lifted and my beautifully imperfect true self can shine through!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, Sal!

  18. Corrine/Frock And Roll

    A gorgeous post written by a truly gorgeous lady. Thanks for making me smile at this ridiculous hour of the morning, Sal πŸ™‚

  19. metscan

    What a lovely picture of you! IΒ΄m going to read your post for today all over again.

  20. Shelley

    Great post! I love how you inspire me to feel better about being me… never stop doing that too!

  21. Middle Aged Woman

    Sounds like a prayer. The Prayer of St. Sally. Amen.

  22. Miss Peregrin

    Such a good post. I think that most of us can relate. πŸ™‚

  23. KK @ Running Through Life

    Perfect!! Love it!! And soooo true. Just what I needed today!!!!!!!

  24. Jamie Cattanach

    Actually, this is one thing that bothers me about this blog: you -are- skinny. When thin people make themselves out to be… not, it's really annoying for those of us out there that really -aren't- skinny. I'm a size 16. You're probably a 6 or 8, which I would kill for. Trust me. You're thin.

    I love your blog, but I just wanted to comment on that.

  25. fashion herald

    Keep the faith! And all of those things we are working on do make us feel better, right?!

  26. Sal

    Jamie Cattanach: Well, that's the thing about body image, isn't it? YOU may think of me as "skinny," but no matter what I weigh I never will. Never. I've been three sizes smaller than this, and STILL saw a fat girl in the mirror. I've come a long way from there, but am still working on it.

    The fact that I look thin to you doesn't change how I perceive myself. So please don't diminish my feelings about my own self-image just because they don't align with your perceptions of my body.

    Also, I suspect that there are women out there who wear size 28 and would kill to be your size 16. Does that change how you feel about your size? My size?

    I understand how frustrating it must be to see someone who appears to already have something you want, and take that something for granted. But if you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you'll know that I'm not blowing hot air: I write about body image because I STRUGGLE with body image. I'm not fishing for compliments from anyone, I'm writing about issues that plague me daily. I hope you'll bear that in mind when you read posts in which I discuss my own weight.

  27. ~Hurricane B~

    This is one of the best things you have written. I love it. It is so true, we can say things to others, try to say it to ourselves..but we really only FEEL it once in awhile. I am so thankful for your postive posts.

  28. Casey

    Fantastic, Sal! πŸ™‚ Especially about never giving up on being fit and healthy. πŸ™‚

    I had to chuckle at the six pack comment. I tried earlier this year. My husband and I had a friendly competition going about who could get the best six pack. I've topped out at a three pack. haha! Any more and I think my poor stomach muscles will revolt and turn to utter mush. πŸ˜‰

  29. watergirl82

    Absolutely awesome post…and yes, I would kill for your curls! Thanks for the reminder that we all need to love and appreciate ourselves just as we are. πŸ™‚

  30. Meli22

    Sal- I agree. It's so hard for people to understand! You are beautiful to ME, but I'm not to ME. So many people think i'm so 'tiny' but I don't see that. (No I don't think i'm 'fat' just medium-build) I was a size 2/3 at one point, and felt the same as I do now at a 6/7. For instance, I always thought I had thick unattractive ankles and legs. Another girl was diagnosed with having 'too thin' ankles by a podiatrist- and my ankles are only 1" bigger around than hers. Weird, huh? PERCEPTION PERCEPTION! I think so many woman are beautiful- but I only feel beautiful about myself on certain days, at certain times. At least I have that!

  31. Nadine

    Sal, my love, that is a gorgeous, gorgeous photo of you. One of the things I love about this site is that you are always 'on', always preaching the positivity and encouraging your readership. When you address your perceived inadequacies, it's done so honestly and in such a polished and thoughtful way, without any trace of self-indulgence. Beautiful!

  32. Cynthia

    Beautiful. Just beautiful.

    Oh – and the post is great, too πŸ˜€

    Actually the awesomeness of this really hit home this morning. Another one to print and keep!

  33. budget chic

    Inspiration is a good thing….we need to keep telling ourselves that everyday…..since the media, fashion, and the cosmetics industry (including plastic surgery) works so hard on their ad campaigns to get us to believe otherwise. I

  34. Spandexpony

    Speaking of killing for curls, I'm seriously considering getting a perm soon. Sounds like you have a secret admirer named Mike in VA! Hehe!!!

  35. Kirsten

    Wow. All I can say is wow.
    It's so great to know I'm not the only one who feels like this about myself. Well, ok, "great" may be the wrong word but it does make me feel less like a freak on those bad days.

    Now if we could just figure out where this misinterpretation comes from…

  36. BumbleBecky

    I am one of those people who would kill for your curls.
    Please flaunt them all the time.

  37. fromsneakerstostilettos

    Sal – thank you for sharing. I battle with my "I nevers" often. I have been working on being more positive and have been trying to think of my "I ams" before my "I nevers". Thank you though because I do not always think this positively and you have been encouraging me to accept who I am and love it!

  38. Anonymous

    Well, you help me feel it here and there. Maybe it all adds up, you know, the shared positivity.

  39. AsianCajuns

    Fantastic post. I'm totally inspired! – especially to start doing some crunches!

    So I have a random question for you. I'll be going to a conference in Milwaukee next month. Are you familiar with that city? Anything there that's a must see?

  40. Jamie Cattanach

    I wasn't trying to diminish your feelings in any way, and I do understand that things are all about perception. I understand very well about the struggle with body image, and the reason I keep coming back to your blog is because I relate to it, even though it (usually) ticks me off to some degree — not just on this blog, but in the media in general; "before" girls who are a size 10, etc. Just wanted to share my thoughts, and your response is definitely understood and appreciated.

  41. Leonie

    Whenever you're having a down day, Sal, I wish for you to remember that this blog is positively changing so many women's relationships with body image. All over the world.

    I think you raised a good point- one's own perception of what's skinny and what's fat is so relative (and we're almost always too hard on ourselves!)

  42. cciele

    Thanks, Sal. You are the best in putting such thoughts and feelings in words.

  43. Anonymous

    I will never be skinny
    I will never have trim little ankles
    I will never have awesome upper arms
    I will never be a flirty sexy little thing
    I will never be the thinnest girl in the room

    I will never forget how much my kids love me
    I will never take for granted my current ability to heal almost any hurt with hugs and band-aids
    I will never hate this body that carried three healthy babies
    I will never stop reminding myself that I have lovely big brown eyes
    I will never forget that I am one of about six women in the state who looks amazing with less than 3 inches of hair on my head

    I will never understand why someone else can appreciate my beauty and it's so hard for me to do the same
    I will never stop trying to feel the truth of others when they tell me I am lovely
    I will keep trying every day of my life to see myself through my husband's eyes
    He loves me and thinks me beautiful, someday so will I

  44. Anonymous

    This is my favorite post of yours, ever.
    At first I was wary; it started out a little hokey, like a motivational piece in a magazine.
    Then I came to the part where you said you will never understand why you don't FEEL what you KNOW, and I was reminded why yours is the only blog I read Every Single Day.

  45. MP

    Thank you Sal, you so eloquently said what so many women think and feel EVERYDAY. And whether you understand it fully or not, but this little corner of the internet is a haven for those of us who struggle, but ultimately are striving to see ourselves better. And you help us to do that, and I humbly thank you for sharing yourself and showing the rest of us how to be a little bit better everyday.

  46. The Raisin Girl

    Stealing this! Mostly because I can't think of anything more self-affirming than to admit the things that irk me about myself openly and follow it up with the things I can do to lessen those perceived "faults", or, if they can't be lessened, what I will do to stay motivated and feel attractive anyway.

    You're right. Us straight-haired (or in my case, unruly-wavy haired) girls would kill for your curls.

    And Imogen Lamport is right as well. My boobs, more often than not, are a bother and a hindrance, and often incite tears when I have to go bra shopping.

  47. smaro

    Healthy boobs are a must! Being small is a bit of a blessing: funky, cute, over the top, lacy numbers look great on us smaller of cleavage, bouncing boobs and back ache ain't anything we need worry about either!

    it is so funny how we can all believe and preach and think this but only at certain times and certain light, in certain moods and certain clothes!

  48. dapper kid

    What a breathtakingly beautiful post πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for posting this.

  49. enc

    You, me, and the rest of the world, Sal. Everybody's got stuff like this.

    I'm with you all the way.

  50. Elaine

    This is hands down the most inspiring, confident, and terrific post I've ever read on a blog. I'm in the process of loosing weight, lots of excess weight, and I sometimes don't feel so great about myself and my body. The changes my body is going through is dragging me through several emotions, making see myself sometimes negatively. Your post has given me the smack on my head that I needed. I've got too much to be thankful for, and your insightful words made me realize that. Thank you! You're an awesome blogger and person.